pouring into words

hey,

 Happy New Year. Yeah, it's an old story but I have been so busy so that's why I didn't have time for my blog. I wanted to tell you guys. Last night someone asked me to be his girl. I said yes. But suddenly I don't feel better. Yet, I'm afraid. I doesn't want to be ended up like before. I'm afraid he will left me like HO. I wanted to tell him this but I'm too scared. I guess just let it be like that. 

 I decided not to tell him actually how is it my life now. Maybe he won't read this. But who cares anyway? All I wanna do is ran away far from my home. I hate my life here. I hate it because they gave me so much bad memories since I was a little kid. I don't asked much. I just wanna be free. I'm only knew what is free when at school. That's why I love my friends more than my own family. But lets see, all my friends is gone. Well, not all of them. The one who is with me through thick and thin all this time. AAR, HAH, JH and NS plus ADA. Also, SBU and NA and DHAJ. 

 I didn't want to put any more problem towards Bio Matrah anymore. He also have a life right? If i don't have one, I just have to get one all by myself. Actually, Abe. I'm alone all this time. I wanna be with someone. But all of you have a life and doesn't have a time for me. Anyway, thanks you all. If you guys didn't show up long time ago in my life. Maybe I would have died a long time ago. I live because of you guys. Also I didn't forget Marsha Chacha a.k.a Marsha Griselda. Unfortunately, she forgotten all about me. But it's fine. Like I don't used to live alone. 

 The people I knew that the most lonely in this planet is me. When everyone's go out with their friends. I just look out from my window. When everyone's hanging out with their families. Same thing, just look out from my window. When everyone's had a problem, they find me and I help them. It's like I'm a shadow in the darkest place. When someone find it then it would be taken out from the darkest place. Shadow follows bodies. That's me, what everyone asked me to do, i would. In all my life, I never ever wanted to be something than to be the shadows. 

 I guess I was fate to be shadows. Until the next post.

sincerely pais.